The ceremony for Maia & Liz March 18, 2006

THE CEREMONY
Processional
"A Day Without Rain"–Enya
"Beyond"–Marc Saul

Smudging - Native American blessing
Blessing spoken during smudging
Oh Spirit of the North, Ancient One of the Earth, I call you to attend this circle.
(blow sage to north)

Oh Spirit of the East, Ancient One of the Air, I call you to attend this circle
(blow sage to east)
Oh Spirit of the South, Ancient One of Fire, I call you to attend this circle.
(blow sage to south)
Oh Spirit of the West, Ancient One of Water, I call you to attend this circle
(blow sage to west)
Spirits of the Earth, hold the boundary of this Circle
Naught but love shall enter in
Naught but love shall emerge
Charged by your Powers, Old Ones.
What you have just witnessed was a Native American ritual calling the spirits to “hold the space” or circle the ceremony. The belief is that the Spirits are called upon to protect participants during rituals to keep away any negative energies that may attempt to enter the space.

Statement of Intention

We have come together this evening in the presence and spirit of Love, to honor and bless the union of Maia and Liz. This union symbolizes a joining of lives, hearts, and souls, and a formal commitment to a relationship that keeps growing more beautiful throughout time.
Maia and Liz have invited you to join them in this holy celebration because they feel close to you, and value your support and loyalty. I remind you that you have been invited here for a sacred purpose, not just to witness, but to fully participate with your thoughts and prayers, extending your blessing to this couple and their united life.

The merging lives of Maia and Liz symbolize their commitment to being a part of something bigger, a loving power far beyond that of their separate parts. It is through this unity that we all have to the love that connects us, that we are able to discover our greatest expression.
We open our hearts to you, Maia and Liz, as you have come here to publicly dedicate the rest of your lives to one another. We celebrate with you the deep love and spiritual connection you have found in one another. With this, we recognize and honor the past life you have shared, making this ceremony today a blissful recommitment of your souls.

Declaration of Commitment

Maia and Liz, we welcome you to this moment in your lives, and to the place you have come to in each other’s hearts. Congratulations on the journey you have made to take you to this place today, to commit to and embrace a very serious love. It is a commitment already made in your hearts, yet today we formally acknowledge it.

Your relationship has been built by an understanding that you must work together and communicate through whatever challenges may arise. You recognize that you must acknowledge each other as individuals, and support one another’s growth. May humor, acceptance and passion always be nurturing staples of your daily lives.

Marriage is an ultimate sharing of experience. It is an adventure in the most intimate of human relationships. Within its framework of loyalty, permanence, and fidelity, marriage creates a home where honesty, understanding and fun can nurture a deep and lasting relationship.

Liz, Maia is a gift to you. You are asked to love her, and that through your love she may find herself as she truly is—patient, understanding, supportive and beautiful. May she know that there is one whose love and protection she can depend on forever.
And likewise, Maia, Liz is a gift to you. In your love may Liz glow from the depths of her own true self—a passionate, intelligent, fun-loving and adventurous Spirit. May she always feel unconditionally loved and comforted through your selfless giving.

May this day be an open door through with you will go forth to build the dearest of all relationships, a happy, harmonious marriage. May the years deal gently with you. May you find far more in life walking together than you would have found alone.

Exchange of Vows - English and Irish Gaelic

Maia and Liz, whatever it is that you desire to share and accomplish with each other, know that love is always with you. Place love in your hearts first, and your success is assured.
Couples turn to face each other and hold hands.

Maia Marie
Everything I vow to you here today you already have, you already know.
It is my wish to tell you again in this lifetime in front of our loved ones.
I promise you my love, my respect, my honor, my loyalty and my support.
I offer you my heart, my soul and my body, to share with you as long as we both take breath.
D’i gonai
My love,
There is so much about us that makes us the couple that we are

Our past, our present and our future are all together in this one moment.
So, in this moment I promise to respect you, as I have in the past I will continue to do.
I will never make light of your opinions or feelings.
I promise to accept you for the individual and adult that you are.
You will find no judgment in my eyes or heart, only the freedom to be.
I promise to support you in whatever the Universe brings our direction.
Whether it be glory or trials, I will be by your side.
And encompassed in all of this, I promise to love you

With my heart, my soul and my body.
As I have in the past, I will do in the future.
I promise. D’i gonai
Toimid le ceile anois
Beimid le ceile igcomnuide
Slointe is goch beonuochz libh
Toi gradh agam as mo crioide duit
Deo ort egcomnuide

Lighting of the Unity Candle

Now Maia and Liz unite the candles representing their lives up to this moment, into one candle, symbolic of their new life together.
Deora Ar Mo Chroi – Enya
Drinking from Horn – Celtic Pagan: Symbolizing shared life/nourishment
Exchange of Rings

And so we come, Maia and Liz, to the presentation of rings by which you symbolize and bind your love. The unbroken circle of your rings symbolizes a commitment of love that is never ending. May your rings be a constant reminder of the connection and love you have found with one another.

Maia, this ring is a symbol of my unconditional love and my faithful commitment to our married life together.

Liz, this ring is a symbol of my unconditional love and my faithful commitment to our married life together.

Kiss

You may seal your vows with a kiss (Bell rings three times)
Jumping the Broom--Celtic Pagan: Symbolizing the beginning of a new life together
Recessional
This Will Be – Natalie Cole

Maia discusses her ceremony

Below is Maia’s description of what went into planning her wedding ceremony to Liz.

My Grandfather was a full-blood Cherokee Medicine Man. Liz is Irish/Scottish. We are both practicing pagans/wiccans. This is how we created the ceremony. I walked down aisle to bagpipes. The whole ceremony was designed around our heritage and beliefs.

Our colors were royals, Emerald, Sapphire, Ruby and Amethyst. Our daughter Sarra was my Maid of Honor. She wore the Sapphire. My Matron of Honor wore the Ruby and our granddaughter (the Flower Girl) wore the Amethyst. To tie this in to the reception, each table was set with a different set of colors, one color per table.

We designed our own ceremony, which we gave to our officite. I HIGHLY recommend that couples be extremely careful with their officiate in making sure s/he completely understand everything. Our lovely lady called portions of our ceremony "seltic padgen" as opposed to "keltik pagan." We also found out during the ceremony that she had no idea how to do a smudging and she almost set me on fire. Both issues were moments of comic relief but I suggest that couples be very clear with their officiate.

Our vows: Liz wrote hers about a week before the wedding, I wrote mine the night before. The last ones are in Irish Gaelic and we did not share the meaning of these with anyone, but you could easily have it translated.

I made our program a tri-fold on antiqued papers, and the ushers handed them out as guests entered. It was a very formal, black tie event. We chose the chapel for a couple of reasons: 1) it only holds 160 and we were expecting about 100 so this made it an intimate ceremony, and 2) the stained glass windows are of Knights, not Saints, so it appeased our pagan ceremony desires. It also had a bell that could be rung. We had our ushers coordinate so that the bell rang 3 times (the pagan rule of 3) while we breathed each other in and kissed.

For the reception: I printed out photos and histories of various Irish castles and we put 1 on each table in acrylic frames. We then seated people to a castle that we felt was appropriate to their personality. The seating cards were skeleton keys. Each guest got a key with their name and on the back was the name of "their" castle. At the table, each place was marked with a bag of chocolate rocks which had their names attached.

I have since become a certified wedding planner specializing in gay/lesbian ceremonies. I did this because I found no resources as I was planning my own (an 18 month process!) and became frustrated. If it would help, let people know that I would love to help them plan their dream ceremony - completely working within their budget. I managed to have a $50,000 wedding for less than $20,000 but it takes time and planning. Some people want simplicity, others want fairy tales. It's all good. :)

Liz and Maia just got back from a two day cruise from SF to Vancouver, two days in Vancouver and Amtrak back to Oakland on the Gay/Lesbian oriented WanderLust Travel based in Oakland—which they highly recommend.

Donald & David 02/14/04

SFGate.com from article in SF Chronicle 02/13/07
Chronicle photo by Lacy Atkins: Mayor Gavin Newsom being thanked by Donald Bird for letting him and his partner of 40 years, David Young, marry three years ago. (article by Wyatt Buchanan)

On May 4th Donald and I had a nice phone conversation about his wedding ceremony in City Hall on Valentine's Day 2004. What was really inspiring though was to hear how he was moved by all the couples he met--while waiting 5 hours in line--to become an active part of the marriage equality movement.

Three days before Valentine’s Day Donald & David heard that San Francisco City Hall would be giving marrying gay couples. On February 14 they went over to City Hall with a friend and waited in line for 5 hours…

Donald was struck by his experience in line. There were all kinds of couples waiting to get married. Some had kids, others didn’t, and some had their families waiting with them. … Near them were a lesbian couple who had brought their kids as well as enough games and food to keep the little ones occupied all day, the moms even brought a play pen for naps—and never once during those five hours were the kids a problem
He says it was a “beautiful wait.”

Once inside City Hall Donald described it as crowded, noisy, and joyful. Dozens of couples were getting married at the same time—on every floor, in every spot. It was “beautiful chaos.”

When it came time for Donald & David to declare their vows (even though they have now been together for 41years) they were both very nervous. I asked him why they originally decided to get married after all these years: he told me that at first they wanted to make a political statement, but as it turned out it was a very emotional experience. Even though they couldn’t hear every word it all sounded fine—they agreed to be together, and having their friend Sharon witness their commitment made it even more special. He said marriage is the greatest commitment two people can make, because it is recognized by society.

For the next week or so Donald showed up every day to support & encourage couples as they waited in line. He handed out Hershey’s Kisses—offering kisses as they waited in line “committed-ly.”

One day he met a gay couple from New York City who flew in to get married, waited from 11am to 7pm, but the doors locked before they got inside. This was before City Hall started making appointments. They came to Donald, who had no official connection to City Hall, pleading to him for help. At first Donald told him that he couldn’t do anything, but they approached him again and he felt compelled to try.

He banged on the front door until a security guard showed up. After explaining the couples’ situation the guard brought David to Mark Leno (CA state assembly member for 13th district). Finally the couple was let in and married. The men were so grateful they sent Donald a “thank-you” card & asked him if they could mention him in a speech they were going to give during New York’s Gay Pride Parade. He said “yes” of course.

Eventually Donald decided he wanted to marry people. City Hall appointed him to a deputy position during the final weeks of the marriages. It was a little less hectic by then because people could finally make appointments. Donald worked from 8am to 5pm over the following weeks, marrying over 220 couples. It was “the most exciting time of my life.” He came home every day and David would tell him that he had never seen him so “happy, up, joyful”…

Toward the end of this period people came prepared. Couples brought their own vows, which he would mesh together with the official ones. Other couples brought their families and included their children in the ceremony. The 2nd to last day a lesbian couple brought 30 guests, a poet, a mandolin player, as well as recorded music.

On the last day Donald’s car fell stopped working on the way to City Hall. He called his mechanic who said the car had to go in for extensive repairs. Worried, Donald explained where he had to be and his mechanic (who is straight—married with two kids) gave him a ride in his truck to City Hall. Once he got there he found out it was the last day.

But the story doesn’t stop there. Many of the marriage he performed have become parts of documentaries chronicling the period in San Francisco when queer couples were treated as full citizens.
> Marry Me: Stories from the San Francisco Weddings (director Eli Brown)
> Flowers from the Heartland
> Pursuit of Happiness (by Mayor Newsom’s ex-brother-in-law, coming out June ’07)
> Even a program on German TV
His involvement has also given him the opportunity to share his experience at the law firm that is representing couples who are fighting in court for their right to marry. There he met Bill Clinton and his former Secretary of State Warren Christopher.

Donald continues to have confidence in Mark Leno and his bill for Marriage Equality—since his bill is expected to pass, and the only roadblock to it being made into law is Arnold Schwarzenegger—they are now organizing a group of people to talk to the Governor.

Kati & Esther's Wedding

August 4 we saw each other again at Ezeiza Airport in Buenos Aires. I [Esther] had arrived 2 hours before her, after traveling from Asunción (Paraguay) for 20 hours on the bus. I ran to buy her flowers, then wait for my bride who was arriving from the U.S.

We got married August 8th in a feminist book store.

Kati read me a poem by Pablo Neruda, and she expressed her love and commitment by reading something she had written herself.

I read a bible verse, John 10:28 to her, first from a Spanish bible, then an English one, then one in Guarani (the indigenous language of Paraguay.) That verse expressed my confidence that we really are safe in Jesus' hands.

At the beginning of our relationship, we thought that God would separate us, but we realized that it was God who brought us together.

My love is real no matter what, but I wanted to show it publicly, I wanted to share my feelings with my community.

Kati’s thoughts: I can't conceive of a type of love that doesn't include commitment. It's a good reminder that the real definition of love isn't "pretty pink feelings and butterflies in your tummy" but rather an un-self-centeredness that makes our commitment the priority. A wedding is a fun party to celebrate our love and commitment, but the real point is that I’m promising to care for someone as much as I care about myself, and that is huge.

Kati & Esther's Story (how they got to the wedding)

September 2004 I [Esther] was working as a kind of campus pastor in my country, Paraguay, when I saw Kati for the first time in an international meeting. She was a campus pastor in Chile, we were good friends first, living in different countries we only saw each other 2 or 3 times a year, but slowly we recognized that we felt something different than just friendship for each other. We felt horrible because we felt that God didn't accept our relationship, so we decided to try and cut off all communication in April 2005. We lived through months and months of suffering, hiding our feelings from everyone, then we began to really study the Bible verses that are commonly used against homosexuality, and we realized that it IS possible to be GLBT and Christian.
At that point that we got in contact and decided to take a trip to Buenos Aires to see each other. Kati told her boss in Chile that she didn’t believe any longer that homosexuality was a sin, and was fired. After 13 months of not seeing each other, we were together for 5 days in May 2006, and I realized that I couldn't live without her. We found a Christian community in Buenos Aires, and a pastor who wanted to bless our relationship. Then I had to go back to Paraguay—while Kati went back to Chile to sell her furniture and say goodbye to the students before returning home to the States.

K & B's Wedding

K. was kind enough to share the vows she and B. created for their ceremony.

These were our wedding vows. We said them back and forth as a dialogue.

K) My princess, I stand before you today. I have traveled across oceans of time seeking the heart that calls me.

B) My prince, I stand before you on this day, many years past the cornfield of my birth, where I lay dreaming of the fairy tale prince who searched for me.

K) Many years I have searched

B) Many years I dreamed

K) Sunset bleeds dreaming into night, dawn again bleeds into day. Sunlight I will never see in the language of your eyes. Yet all the blue skies and clouds that tumble by are meaningless against midnight in your arms.

B) When I first saw you, sunset lit your eyes and I saw the prince no one else would see. I knew that you were someone special, and that I loved you. All that mattered was midnight in your arms. Although the path we walked has led us often apart, I realized you were always with me, soul to soul and heart to heart. My soul mate.

K) We have many roads to walk. The labyrinth may be edged in thorns but in shadow and light, sorrow and joy I will be there by your side. Although I stand in armor and you in corn silk and lace we become the balance of night and day.

B) The thorns no longer frighten me, they protect the rose. The labyrinth becomes a simple path. In the shadow you stand by me, your inner beauty blinds so strong that I no longer fear being myself. I no longer fear at all. In our balance I see life’s beauty, joy and the future unfold.

K) I come before you of my own free will, to offer my hand, my blade, my heart. My hands are to hold you, my sword to protect you, my heart to love you.

B) I join you here today of my own free will, to offer my hand and my heart. My hand to hold you as we walk side by side, my heart to love you.

K) As long as you will have me.

B) As long as you will have me.

K) As long as the stars shine in the midnight sky

B) As long as the dawn brings the light

K) As long as be both shall choose

B) As long as we both shall choose.

We exchanged rings and drank from a glass of water--as water makes up 90+% of our bodies, the symbol of sharing water represented a merging of who we were, as well as a merging of the universal.

We chose a commitment ceremony for multiple reasons, one to give strength and validity to our relationship in front of our peers and family, another to mark the agreement of commitment to mutual life goals. And...My girlfriend grew up wanting the big white dress and the fairy tale Cinderella wedding--it was one of her biggest childhood dreams and it was good to make that dream day come true for her.

The blending of traditional: white wedding dress, bridesmaids, flower girl, rings; with non- traditional: arch of swords, words as long as we both shall choose from pagan hand-fasting, my choice of clothes was difficult to work out. Originally B. wanted a traditional wedding in the church her mother was married in, with me in a Tux. I wanted a hand-fasting ceremony on the beach with a party afterwards, formal dress optional--come in your renaissance faire gear. The negotiations were long... The house was covered with Modern Bride magazines which spoke to the lack of material for non-traditional weddings/commitments out there.

Coordinating all the aspects of the weddings day was like on a rock concert with a stage show—we did all the work ourselves: cooking, flowers, set up, buring disks of music... “the day of” I spent hours on a walkie talkie working with my “crew” of friends... it was a big project, and we had a large location to set up, run, and clean for the entire day and evening.

It was fun. It was fun to write the vows, craft the ceremony, get websites for flowers, and figure all that out... and it was a fun day.

Having a clear commitment helped us merger tradition and non-tradition.