Chronicle photo by Lacy Atkins: Mayor Gavin Newsom being thanked by Donald Bird for letting him and his partner of 40 years, David Young, marry three years ago. (article by Wyatt Buchanan)
Three days before Valentine’s Day Donald & David heard that San Francisco City Hall would be giving marrying gay couples. On February 14 they went over to City Hall with a friend and waited in line for 5 hours…
Donald was struck by his experience in line. There were all kinds of couples waiting to get married. Some had kids, others didn’t, and some had their families waiting with them. … Near them were a lesbian couple who had brought their kids as well as enough games and food to keep the little ones occupied all day, the moms even brought a play pen for naps—and never once during those five hours were the kids a problem
He says it was a “beautiful wait.”
Once inside City Hall Donald described it as crowded, noisy, and joyful. Dozens of couples were getting married at the same time—on every floor, in every spot. It was “beautiful chaos.”
When it came time for Donald & David to declare their vows (even though they have now been together for 41years) they were both very nervous. I asked him why they originally decided to get married after all these years: he told me that at first they wanted to make a political statement, but as it turned out it was a very emotional experience. Even though they couldn’t hear every word it all sounded fine—they agreed to be together, and having their friend Sharon witness their commitment made it even more special. He said marriage is the greatest commitment two people can make, because it is recognized by society.
For the next week or so Donald showed up every day to support & encourage couples as they waited in line. He handed out Hershey’s Kisses—offering kisses as they waited in line “committed-ly.”
One day he met a gay couple from New York City who flew in to get married, waited from 11am to 7pm, but the doors locked before they got inside. This was before City Hall started making appointments. They came to Donald, who had no official connection to City Hall, pleading to him for help. At first Donald told him that he couldn’t do anything, but they approached him again and he felt compelled to try.
He banged on the front door until a security guard showed up. After explaining the couples’ situation the guard brought David to Mark Leno (CA state assembly member for 13th district). Finally the couple was let in and married. The men were so grateful they sent Donald a “thank-you” card & asked him if they could mention him in a speech they were going to give during New York’s Gay Pride Parade. He said “yes” of course.
Eventually Donald decided he wanted to marry people. City Hall appointed him to a deputy position during the final weeks of the marriages. It was a little less hectic by then because people could finally make appointments. Donald worked from 8am to 5pm over the following weeks, marrying over 220 couples. It was “the most exciting time of my life.” He came home every day and David would tell him that he had never seen him so “happy, up, joyful”…
Toward the end of this period people came prepared. Couples brought their own vows, which he would mesh together with the official ones. Other couples brought their families and included their children in the ceremony. The 2nd to last day a lesbian couple brought 30 guests, a poet, a mandolin player, as well as recorded music.
On the last day Donald’s car fell stopped working on the way to City Hall. He called his mechanic who said the car had to go in for extensive repairs. Worried, Donald explained where he had to be and his mechanic (who is straight—married with two kids) gave him a ride in his truck to City Hall. Once he got there he found out it was the last day.
But the story doesn’t stop there. Many of the marriage he performed have become parts of documentaries chronicling the period in San Francisco when queer couples were treated as full citizens.
> Marry Me: Stories from the San Francisco Weddings (director Eli Brown)
> Flowers from the Heartland
> Pursuit of Happiness (by Mayor Newsom’s ex-brother-in-law, coming out June ’07)
> Even a program on German TV
His involvement has also given him the opportunity to share his experience at the law firm that is representing couples who are fighting in court for their right to marry. There he met Bill Clinton and his former Secretary of State Warren Christopher.
Donald continues to have confidence in Mark Leno and his bill for Marriage Equality—since his bill is expected to pass, and the only roadblock to it being made into law is Arnold Schwarzenegger—they are now organizing a group of people to talk to the Governor.
